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by evakayaki



Series: Gapfillers [4]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: 3x07 to 3x08, Canon Compliant, Confusion, Inner Dialogue, M/M, NOT written in first person, gapfiller, matteo's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 15:25:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19748515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakayaki/pseuds/evakayaki
Summary: He knew how everyone looked at him. Contrary to popular belief, hedidknow what people thought of him. And he did admit that sometimes he played the part. Sometimes it was better being a stereotype than being yourself.----Matteo's POV (not written in first person) on the events that took place between 3x07 to 3x08.





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**Author's Note:**

> This is a two-part series inspired by the song, "Little Do You Know" by Alex and Sierra. I also made a video to go with it that visually tells the story I was trying to: https://youtu.be/0W8zM7wkdZ0

Sometimes he felt like he couldn’t move. He’d try to go left, right, _anywhere_ and it was like he’d always end up right back here, where he started. And he didn’t want to be _here_. 

He knew how everyone looked at him. Contrary to popular belief, he _did_ know what people thought of him. And he did admit that sometimes he played the part. Sometimes it was better being a stereotype than being yourself. 

He thought maybe Jonas saw through the facade, but the boy was always happy to play along and get high with him, so maybe Jonas didn’t. 

Then David walked into his life. And he wanted so badly to deny that this _boy_ ignited something inside of him. Something that he didn’t want. 

He was already dealing with his mom, Sara, abi’s...he didn’t need to add his growing awareness of sexual confusion to that too. No, not sexual confusion because he _knew_. He knew deep down in the hidden parts of himself that he was _gay_. No, he wasn’t confused. He was terrified. And fuck if that didn’t start a shit storm inside his brain. 

So, he focused on being with Sara, being _straight_. He knew he was overcompensating, putting on an act to deny, deny, _deny_. And maybe being a stereotype in this case worked better for him, because at the end of the day his behavior was just seen as part of his eccentricities. Just Matteo being Matteo. 

But it seemed the more he fought, the more he was pulled to David. And fucking, fuck, fuck with a fucking shit thrown in. Because he didn’t want to fight it. And wasn’t that just fucking grand. 

So what did he do? He threw as much of himself into his “relationship” with Sara as he could. Which, truth be told, wasn’t very much. But it was what he needed to cope. 

But, still, there was David. He knew this wasn’t a friendship like he shared with Abdi or Carlos, it wasn’t even the crush he held for Jonas. This was so much deeper. He felt like for the first time someone saw him, raw and unmasked. And instead of sending him into a meltdown, it made him want to grab on tight and never let go. 

So, when David walked into the WG, all the words Matteo had thought about saying, all the things he wanted to say, just got lost. The only thing he could think was how close David was, how he felt a little more, how he wanted nothing more than to be with this boy. This boy who had broken his heart.

He had managed out a _hey_ in response to the other boy. He was too nervous, too wired, too scared of what David being here meant. 

For a second he thought the boy was going to speak, but he didn’t. It seemed like David might kiss him as the other boy leaned in. David’s lips were so close to his. But he didn’t, and Matteo guessed it was just his imagination rewriting time. 

Instead, David wordlessly pulled Matteo into a hug, his head resting on Matteo’s shoulder. Matteo felt his world stop drifting, his feet seemed to settle on the ground and the broken pieces of his heart slowly pasting themselves together. 

He wanted to look in David’s eyes, see that smile he loved so much, but the other boy kept averting his eyes. Matteo knew something was up, could feel David slightly trembling in his arms. When the other boy let out a shakey breath, Matteo made the decision to lead them to his room. He grasped David’s hand because he wanted some connection to the boy. 

They were silent. Whatever words needed to be said could wait a few hours until morning. 

Slipping off his pants, he crawled under his blanket, watching David. _Your move._ As David hesitantly laid down beside him, Matteo couldn’t help it and reached out to run his fingers through David’s hair. Fuck, how much he missed this. 

And when David turned to his side, Matteo felt himself start to float away again, afraid that he’d drift away. He grabbed onto David, holding the boy, tethering himself to the boy’s gravity. He drifted to sleep, knowing at least in this moment, David was with him. 

When he woke up to an empty bed and the sun filtering through his room. Stretching, he turned to see David at the window. He wondered how long the boy had been awake. He knew David was hurting, he’d known the moment David had walked into the WG. Despite that, Matteo couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved and...happy that David had stayed the entire night. That the boy hadn’t run away. 

Matteo wanted to stay like that a bit longer. He wanted to sear into his mind, the image of David like that. He wanted to pretend that if he asked the other boy to come back to bed, he would, and they could just be together, _alone_. 

But he knew that couldn't happen. It was time to let fate happen. 

“Awake already?”

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to thank you all for your encouraging words and messages to me. I am blown away by your support. I created a tumblr just so I could answer some more messages/questions I got without doing it in the endnotes. So go find me at: evakayaki.tumblr.com
> 
> *Sorry for the formatting and weird issue that happened mid-sentence above. I fixed it -- html coding issue.


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